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==The Guide==
*Have an unacceptably high "er"/"um" rate [10+/min]
*Use repeated redundant (and preferably untrue) phrases ["OK?", "You see?", "Right?" <all no pause>, "Sooooo…", etc]
*Breathing should not come naturally - erratic and heavy breathing is ideal (but stop short of giving your students the hope that you may have heart attack and so that class will end early)
===Physical Appearance:===
*Cultivate your underarm sweat (and/or under-boob sweat, particularly for large men)
*Dress inappropriately (or have excessively bushy eyebrows, bad hair, etc)
*A pungent choking body odor is very distracting; if you can’t achieve this, commission an unwashed student to sit in the middle of the room
*Pace back and forth [so your students appear to be watching a tennis match]
*Have poor control over some part of your body [your hand taps the board, your head rolls around, etc. If you are a large person, let your outlying regions resonate]
*Write too small
*Erase material too quickly (preferably erase as you write), or don’t erase at all
*Overtly screen your writing with your body [allow occasional glimpses <500ms]
===Interaction with the class:===
*Treat questions with disrespect ["No, that is a stupid question"]
*Treat students with disrespect ["...and you are stupid for asking it"]
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